That Neophile

for syat. love, fehy.

2009-03-24T19:23:00.000-07:00

shall i strap diamonds to the feet of a homing pigeon?
let fly northwest across vast seas bound for you in london
past customs, past taxes, politicians and bureaucrats
with prayers and beautiful wishes into your pocket

monsoons and sandstorms her tired body glissades over
scatter the seeds of a bird's desire, give her some water
let her raging heartbeat ebb away, quench her vicious thirst
valiantly she has faught, racing winds to get there first

my dear, wonderful girl you have grown so admirably
yet you remain YOU, like the heady days of langkawi
your heart is kind, your mind is sharp and you're fun to no end
shamin is a lucky man and i am a grateful friend.

love you, bitch

the howling hawk, the mega snake and the illusive batcat

2009-03-05T05:01:00.000-08:00

MOGWAI, BITCHES
(disclaimer: the following text contains strong imagery and exaggeration. press the big red X on your browser if you want to save yourself from my bullshit. i however swear to the absolute truth of the essence)

As a 22nd birthday present to myself, i bought a couple of tickets to go see mogwai at the tivoli. it was BEYOND ORGASM

mind blowing multiple auditory ecstasy... intense ones that crashed over me like life affirming waves. like soft warm rains grazing my cheeks morphing with heart wrenching suddenness into violent tropical storms that ravaged my entire being and dissipated into the cold scottish rain.
silence was intervened, each stroke of the drum like a lover's whisper, each chord held pierced the stillness. soporific purple haze descended upon me and my soul vibrated, heartbeat amplified. then the gremlins invaded and everything became profoundly ear drum busting loud. i ate every decibel and fainted in Ecstasy...i didnt fall. i was captured by the rapture in a golden bubble and i was sent shooting up into unknown frontiers. at the zenith i closed my eyes and every cell experienced bliss. i smiled. the world, everything and everyone else was irrelevant. i was brought down, down, down underground by ghostly beats and explored the darkness on haunting melodies. evil lurked but knew i would be okay. i felt the tug of a phantom puppet master with absolute control over his subordinates and i was helpless. i was swept up with the crowd gyrating arbitrarily to the orchestra, and at that moment we were one organism with one aim: absolute pleasure. we tasted tears, we smelt joy. we kissed, we embraced. we grasped arms, we locked fingers. drug stoned, endorphin high. we were drunk, we were sober. we were one and we felt everything and we were eaten up by unadulterated delirium...

shit, son...2 days on and im still high...........................

In the future, everyone will be herbivores and living in dams

2009-02-25T20:19:00.001-08:00

I read this very enlightening article on newscientist about the 4degrees rise in global temperature and its catastrophic effect. the writer is Gaia Vince and after reading the article on NS i went on to his blog to see what else he has to say. he wrote a blog entry (on my birthday!) about it and called for suggestions, no matter how wild and crazy to deal with our future housing and food crisis as a result of climate change. this is what i wrote as a response:

hi

i read your article in newscientist and it has been truly enlightening. thank you very much.

i agree with the notion of a future massive- scale vegetarianism. we all need to change our mindsets, status quo and policies in order to survive the drastic climate changes of the future so why not start with the simplest thing: changing the way we eat. our lands, oceans and resources cannot sustain the rearing of livestock and marine ecosystem is bearing the heavy burden of our fishing industry with unfortunate corollaries to sea inhabitants that are not captured for food. it makes sense that if we were to stop the consumption of animals: it will stop the demand for fishing and the clearing of land to feed cattle etc hence will make way for regeneration of forests and aquatic life. there has been countless scientific evidence of the health benefits of a vegetarian/ vegan diet as well so to me it really is a win- win situation in todays' context if we were to become voluntary herbivores. this may no longer be an option in the future if we dont start now and continue eating, as you put it, anything that moves to extinction...including, perish the thought, lonesome george!

the idea of growing crops on marshlands and floating platforms captivates me. perhaps rice could be genetically modified to grow on salinated water so they could be planted on artificial paddy platforms in the sea. or these platforms could be equipped with a desalination system for the paddy plants.

living in high rise apartments seem to be inevitable. recently, architects have been thinking about the idea of preventing urban sprawl and building homes on traditionally non- domestic existing structures as alternatives to skyscraper homes and to increase densities in cities to avoid encroaching on green areas. here are some ideas that could be feasible in the future:

Quarries: Atkin's architecture group proposed a resort built on the slopes of a water filled quarry in china. Building materials are sourced from the quarry itself and the artificial lake is used for recreation. given the sheer surface area and water retention possibilities of quarries this could provide a potential solution for our impending housing crisis. there are of course several issues to solve such as landslides, safety, toxic surfaces, structure and drainage.

Dams: they are another option that can be considered. given the size and strength of dams, its not difficult to imagine attaching capsule apartments like kisho kurokawa's capsule tower in tokyo to them for housing. or, hollow dams could be lived in with windows and ventilation on the downstream face. The top of the dams can be utilised for viewing decks, recreation and community gardens and diversion dams can be used to irrigate a large scale hydrophonic farms. Dams are also built to withstand natural disasters and extremely high structural integrity so they could provide the foundations of a sustainable housing project. Potential problems could be sound abatement, safety, and evacuation logistics in the event of structural failure or enemy attack.

bridges: Habitable bridges are not a new concept. The Ponte Vecchio and the old London Bridge did sustain domestic life and the Walter Taylor bridge in Brisbane has a few habitable units in its towers. Lightweight, slim and detachable housing units can be attached to the platform, piers , trusses and towers and traffic has to be regulated for increased padestrian activity. Granted, the design of the structures of existing bridges has to be evaluated to add more mass onto the structure...

Artificial islands: Given that a massive amount of land will be sumberged, living on artificial islands could provide housing for displaced cities. We currently have the palm jumeirah in dubai, exclusive real estates built on reclaimed land. but this is a small scale venture. it doesnt seem feasible at the time being to reclaim land currently used for human habitation to build another mumbai floating in the middle of the sea. furthermore, we cannot demolish tiny surrounding island for building materials like what was done to build kansai international airports' artificial island.

what if, the floating islands were to be build from garbage? there are billions of tonnes of discarded metal, rubber and plastic in our landfills and the can be detoxified and put on floating platforms, also built from reused garbage and covered with habitable waterproof surface material. given the size these islands need to be, we would be living in something akin to an iceberg. a garbage iceberg with only a portion of its mass visible on the surface, held in place by giant anchors imbedded deep in the sea bed. we wont be able to build skyscrapers and underground tunnels on them and everyone will have to travel on high speed trevelators, bicycles, roller skates and skateboards.
some marine parks use sunken ships for fish breeding ground and new york city has sunk their retired subway cars to attract fish to revitalise its barren waters so washing machines, construction left overs, car and train skeletons could be sumberged to attract fish and promote the breeding of corals and revitalise marine life of our oceans.

well thats all ive got...

I hope you liked it

milk!

2009-02-23T07:43:00.000-08:00

we were bobbing in the water happily...

when Aiman decided to be a river whale

and all hell broke loose

or

ladies' room conference

or

aww moment between children and dolphin

damn, i love comment wars!

2009-02-05T19:51:00.000-08:00

idiots fighting with another idiots about issues that may or may not be significant, and their heated cyber wars ultimately wont change anything in the real world. its a battle that no one win and will ebb away after a few weeks, but every single comment will be treated like a deadly assault to one's opinions and intellect. everything someone on the opposite end of the argument says will be dissected into microscopic pieces, scrutinised for its truth, political correctness, sarcasm, grammar, spelling, etc and criticised..nay, counter- attacked with a mouthful of blog post script full of spite and malice. the great battle of the opinionated morons is immensely fun to witness.

maybe its an addictive need to feel indignant, arrogant and superior about one's own firmly held believes. maybe its just arseholes who like to make others feel inadequate and stupid if they dont know one side of an issue as comprehensively as they do. or maybe its just a passion to make someone loose their cool and become angry. it could be all of them.

people who respond aggressively on blogs, forums, articles, youtube, whatever are ugly. and yet very entertaining at the same time. they incite anger and use coarse words to try to cement their believes and have the final, authoritative word while at the same time managing to look like incredibly narrow minded retards. these people have no integrity, tolerance, or brains. or they might have them in real life but because they dont have to observe social decorum online, they choose to abandon them and switch to their uncivilised brains instead.

ill give you a recent example: there is a malaysian miniseries posted on youtube (this by the way is an infringement of copyright but thats a whole different story) called kami which, according to my friend is a portrayal of malaysian teenagers, loves and music. it promotes a lively indie music scene and according to reviews is a good effort on behalf of writers, producers, actors etc etc. at least its not the same tired storyline about some promiscuous overly dressed and made up mak datin while her rich, handsome but incredibly cold and arrogant husband is away in london for a business trip. no..kami explores a different side to the malaysian social fabric, one that everyone knows about but are too apathetic, conservative or strapped to their status quo to have a decent, intelligent, open and honest discussion about it. understandably, the more narrow minded and conservative among us would have their qualms about it and the more intelligent ones would craft out an eloquent objection letter to the media but since keyboard- armed, half- educated monkeys with embarrassing command of language, malay and english alike can only let their voices heard on unregulated mediums such as youtube, let the comment wars commence!

for all the hot action, click: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEs__38j84A&feature=PlayList&p=2CEB9559207A3CBD&index=10

someone hates the series, he claims that it portrays too much western culture and will affect malaysia's and more importantly to him, the malay's image in the eyes of the world. and this guy goes out of his way to scream bloody murder for the series and will fight anyone who says the love it. more embarrassingly, when someone asked him why he hates it so much, he could only manage this: tak best lah. semua tak best. boikot! boikot! (in english: its bad, everything about it is bad. boycott!)

anyway, this guy is hilarious in his inability to express his hatred in a format that is clear and concise. the rage is however, is quite well pronounced. but no one knows why hes so pissed off. i think the only malaysian image that we should be worried about is the obvious ones like bad roads, bad management, corruption, litter, illegal logging, pollution etc etc. to be honest, the rest of the world doesnt care how 'malay' we are. they just think were all malaysians. plus i highly doubt that malays as a race have an 'image' in global terms. seriously. think about it. malays pride themselves for being courteous blah blah blah, but then again, thats common courtesy isnt it? and why do people think malays should be invincible against so called western social corruption? wake up and take a look at the world. that kind of youth disease that theyre so afraid of happens EVERY-BLOODY-WHERE so stop feeling indignant towards 'bangsa penjajah' (colonisers) for allegedly corrupting our young and impressionable. kids are adventurous and curious. they make mistakes and learn from it when they get older. some dont, thats tragic but thats not my point. as if no one's never felt the glorious seduction of the unknown and forbidden when they were younger. pfft.

anyway, this one is a loser supporter:

ApuKutan (1 year ago)

kpd peminat cerita kami..
ada sorang budak nie..
zakwanghani..
dier x paham..
sebab otak lembab cam lembu..
bodohhh..
ptt la dier x pham

translation: to fans of kami... there is this kid, zakwanghani...he doesnt understand because his brain is slow, like a cow. stupid. its no wonder he doesnt understand

he probably thought by instigating this, all the fans of kami will gang up against the poor cow brained boy and slaughter him. good god. the language used is awful. goes to show how smart apukutan really is.

another one:

hgkd94 (2 months ago)

dala boink ciot..aq fuqk ctew niew,..
xcun,.xcute..
gelabah bjet rmj up la sgtt

soldiersk8 (2 months ago)

eh, kau kalau tak nak tengok, tak suka, senyap je la . nak fuck fuck cita ni pulak . fuck mak kau la weyh !

these two losers crack me up! gosh. check out the spelling!
. i know it was done because its cool to bastardise language. but this is too much man.

din7291 (4 months ago)

cam kimak jek..

translation: like mother's vagina.
i would love to run this guy down with a tank.

oh yes. people, if you simply MUST swear, please refrain from swearing on your mothers! this is atrocious. implying copulation with your or someone else's mother is disgusting (that MF word) and calling something mother's vagina (the malay PM word) is insulting. mothers are the best and i find it so disturbing that so many people who love their moms would swear on them. i hate anyone who does that and if i had a shotgun, you would have a gaping hole in your stupid head for saying such terrible things.
and no, im not a hypocrite for pasting that crap here and im not being a silent associate of mother-swearing by doing it either. its verbatim of what was written on youtube and i dont believe in media censorship.

online media are so more fun to experience because of the comment wars. long live idiots!

the superman complex

2009-01-16T21:46:00.000-08:00

It should be stated beyond the shadow of a doubt that wikipedia holds the answer to all of mankind's superficial questions and if wiki says it it must be true.

anyway, the superman complex is something defined by wikipedia as:

an unhealthy sense of responsibility, or the belief that everyone else lacks the capacity to successfully perform any task. Such a person may feel a constant need to "save" others.

right. so where do i fit within this definition then? im sitting in a nice ikea chair surrounded by imported electronics while the suburban family residence is undergoing a 5 figure renovation where most of the manual labour is done by foreigners in a sweltering 30 degree heat... its nothing to complaint about, nothing to pick apart and micro analyse every miniscule fragment with a hypochondriac's sense of anticipation that the reason why this whole scenario is not quite dandy will be revealed. why do i feel like somethings not right then?

Gaza...pollution...homelessness and poverty...genocide...corruption...famine...sin and sleaze...inequality...impending apocalypse

if i were superman id take care of all that. except for the apocalypse thing: thats pretty much out of superman's league. but my arse is safely parked in this chair and its hard to imagine being out 'there' fixing up some asswipe megalomaniac politician's ego trip boo-boo or ending conflicts too saturated in historical grudges and caked blood of the slaughtered or fixing up our environment: i would blow away smog into space with my mighty breath, patch up the ozone layer with eye laser, beat the shit out of illegal loggers, industrial pollutants and the whole lot of them.

its all naive and highly unrealistic but if i were superman id give it a go. if only. fear is my kryptonite and apathy is my restraint.

we're all fucked anyway so sit back and enjoy the ride.

A recap of today's miseries :) no, this aint a self indulgent whine

2008-11-27T14:30:00.000-08:00

Honestly, the news has a way to dampen anyone's good mood.

While making breakfast (Rooibos vanilla tea with apricot, peach and avocado fruit salad... brekkie epicurean orgasm doesnt get any better than that) i switched on the damn telly only to be greeted by doom and gloom of the shite world that we inhabit and consequently pollute, rape and destroy.

1: Cairns train wreck.. a truck was sliced in half when it collided with a train, which derailed. Yeah, ok so someone stuffed up the traffic signals along the bruce highway and a couple of people kicked the bucket while several others had to be hospitalised. but thats not even the worst news of the day.

2: Bangkok on lockdown! Protestors take to two major airports in Bangkok as a move to pressure the PM to step down. its funny, it was only last year i was in thailand and the pm seemed to be like a popular person,with an almost royal stature on the streets. The protesters seem to be a peaceful lot though...

and heres the kicker

3: Mumbai terrorist attack by yes, you guessed it: 'islamist jihadists'. they targeted british, american and jewish tourists. no surprise there. there were hostages, grenades, fires, injuries, emergency squads, deaths, a haggard kevin rudd, the whole nine yards... so, yeah, the usual.

in a way, im quite glad that i vetoed the suggestion for a summer holiday in india, its a rather violatile place to be right now. bloody hell...first it was bali, at the end of last year it was pakistan, now its india... am i the only one sensing that the illustrious list of places that are 'best avoided or proceed with extreme caution' is getting longer?

perhaps by witnessing all these violence and destruction on tv is desensitising me to the reality of the horror due to the sense of isolation and detachment i get from being physically distant from the events, as well as the frequency of these ultra tragic occurrences. if it aint freak weather, its a bomb. if someone didnt get mauled by a crocodile, its an oil spill. if it aint a tragic car crash, some young boy got sodomised by a pastor. it never stops and nothing that tragic has ever happened to me or anyone close so i get a false sense of security and naive optimism that i am protected from all the shit in the world and the worst case scenarios that could happen. this leads me to write about such atrocities in an offhand, even sarcastic manner because i find it hard to be heartfelt and honest if i wrote about it using proses that articulate tangibly the extreme human emotions and conditions.

i do however like to be happy.

every thursday we get catalogues, promotions, circulars and every sort of junk mail and crap you can imagine from various business trying to shove their wares in our faces and they even got kids struggling to pay bills to ride around on bikes with neatly packed parcels full of spam and secretly impregnate mailboxes of the neighbourhood in the silence of wednesday nights. i have friends who have done this kind of work, and i must say i was secretly disdainful of their choice of part time job. I hate, detest, abhor junk mail because they advertise bullshit that i dont need (i dont bloody care that your salon offers 20% off hair straighteners!), use up a lot of natural resources and contributes to so much litter, they're rude, impersonal invaders of my property... i own that mailbox and i do not welcome unsolicited mail and they give me false expectations that i have a nice parcel sitting in the mailbox. usually i would take the junk and dump them in the recycling bin with a very satisfactory 'fuck you'. but recently the attack of mailbox invaders got worse as more and more shit came in that dreaded thursday morning parcel that the slot on my mailbox through which you drop letters in are stuffed with this stupid, pointless garbage to the point where i cant even pull them out. So sick of it all, i stuck two strips of masking tape that says
"No junk mail, please" and "save the trees!" The junk mail has stopped coming, but the weekly newspaper still gets sent in their plastic wrapper and rubber band. ill take care of that soon.

This morning when i came home from my run, i checked my mail and found this lovely note:

I do know the figs that were mentioned, i ran past them the other day. Its cool to make unexpected connections, connecting little dots during the course of a day. That note made me extra happy on top of the natural endorphin induced high after the run. of course watching morning telly was a bit of a downer but i have exciting plans for the day, bring on that storm and terrorists can shove their grenades up their arses...fark yeah!

:D

Culinary Creation: Shroom salad

2008-11-25T23:05:00.000-08:00

I love mushrooms. I bought a bag from the fruit market and made this lunchey thing for breakfast. Yes, i eat lunch for breakfast and breakfast for dinner, and leftovers for dinner. or whatever. the point is im getting enough nutrients to perform basic biological functions in order to continue living.

Ingredients:

Button mushrooms, sliced. any other mushrooms will do, i suppose.
Fresh basil, chopped finely
Baby spinach
Sunflower seed
Chickpeas
Truss tomatoes cut in cubes

- Heat up a frying pan, and lightly fry the mushrooms and basil in olive oil. season with salt and pepper.
- remove shrooms and put on a plate with paper towels so the juices can be absorbed.

- grill the tomatoes in the hot pan so it absorbs some of its shroomness and basilness for a bit of flavour. remove them and drain on paper towels.
- mix up the shrooms, toms, spinach, seed, chickpeas and youre good to go!

notes:
- next time i wont drain the shrooms or the tomatoes. ill add udon noodles and use the juices as a sauce.
- alternatively, you can have the toms fresh and raw in the salad but i'm too scared to eat raw tomatoes by myself so thats why i had to subject them to searing hot heat first. im a novice tomato eater, in case you didnt know.

cheerio!

Being Bored is an Insult to Oneself

2008-11-25T21:30:00.000-08:00

Huzzahs are in order for Jules Renard...i love that anecdote

i've been living a pleasant, idyllic life ever since i emerged from the epic f-week and the subsequent equally stressful week of essay and assignment battle shaken, stirred, exploded, imploded, ingested, digested, turned inside out, upside down righside left...the point being, after a year of hard work i feel obliged to be lazy, useless and want to be waited on from top to toe by beautiful men with sexy smiles, broad backs, toned legs and dark skins (guys, if you fit this description, feel free to drop me an email with high resolution pictures. oh and you must be at least 30. boys dont do it for me). mind you though, hard work and the quantity of time invested in a project doesnt guarantee an outcome of a satisfactory quality but thats a whole different rant altogether.

anyway, the great battle of arch school ended in an anticlimax. I handed in my last assignment at midnight, got home knackered to the bones and went to bed in a state of surreality, hibernation sublime. So much for our plans of a shenanigan fuelled picnic at the botanical gardens. but im not complaining. ever since then ive been catching up with friends and met new people, ate at new cafes and restaurants so it hasnt been half bad.

im having a quiet day today and have been doing nothing creative, beneficial or even remotely interesting and was starting to feel a bit bored, lonely and sorry for myself until i received a phone call. details pertaining to this particular conversation shall remain private, but it was a sharp kick up the arse to do something (with myself? for myself? *lecherous grin*) that would eradicate boredom and consequently prevent me from insulting myself.

Its raining outside, which is absolutely brilliant. if im being honest with myself its an excuse not to go running, an excuse not to go to the charity store and hand over my clothes once ive sorted out my closet, an excuse not to renew club sponsorships, and an excuse to cut up mangoes and peaches and eat them in bed while i watch more family guy.

i just got off an msn conversation with a friend and we had a stimulating discourse about boyfriends, guys, older men, sensuality, sex and porn... you know, the typical chain of topics when one begins conversation about birthday plans *another lecherous grin*.. so now im back with nothing to do, nothing interesting enough that would make me do something about it. there are several intellectual and creative matters that would be mildly amusing for me to do, but i just cant be arsed at the moment. for example, i could read the books i got out of the library, read the books given to me ages ago, read architecture books i got for myself, draw imges that pop in my head, illustrate stories and fantasies, design a space station, run the marathon, cure cancer, cook, clean my room, eat something, shower, pee, poo, breathe...

meh. too lazy.please call again (and give me another kick). thanks for wasting 3 minutes of your life to read this inherently pointless drivel of a bored mind.

ps: interestingly enough, i find that when im bored, my senses, memory and intellect are dimmed somewhat. i tried to do a simple mental calculation and that took longer than it normally would, i tried to recall the most interesting thing that happened to me in the past week but all i could come up with were the image of my bright green vintage heels (which by the way is HOT)...i tried to get excited about my new job and future travels but my brain refused to kick into gear and spewed out this message: "yeah...whatever."
i conclude that being bored is not only an insult; it is a menace, a hazard and a treachery to oneself.

The chronicles of F week

2008-10-30T10:37:00.000-07:00

For an architecture student, folio is a dirty, forbidden word. The very thought of it strikes fear and dread into the hearts of these young architecture slaves, shaking their sanity to the foundations. Folio week (from now on the filthy words shall be referred to as the F word) puts people through a severe test of perseverance and liberal amounts of fortitude is required to survive this hellish 7 days, all done for the sake of education and quite possibly the future of mankind's built environment

Some people end this week in triumph, but thats a rare breed. they belong to a subspecies of hardcore super efficient high tension steel - based lifeforms known as GERDS, a quasi-witty combination of the words geek and nerds. Most however emerge from the week crawling, shaking, covered in glue, bits of wood and cardboard and smelling of a foul mixture of sweat, food, various caffeinated drinks, glue and week- old body odour, all due to sleepless nights, showerless days and malnoutrition. Needless to say, the second group of students (i.e; mere mortals) resent the former and are secretly jealous of them. WELL, LOSER, ITS YOUR OWN FAULT THAT YOU'RE A LAZY, ARROGANT, CLUELESS IDIOT WHO WATCHES ABSOLUTE RUBBISH ON YOUTUBE ALL THE TIME INSTEAD OF DOING WORK! These gerds on the other hand, trot around the studio with rolls and rolls of perfectly drafted drawings sticking out of every orifice, silently smug that they have 5 minutes to spare before submission cut off hour while bitching to strugglers about what a hard time they had during the f week. SHOVE YOUR HEAD UP YOUR ARSE SO I WONT HEAR YOUR IRRITATING WHINING, YOU PRETENTIOUS TIT! I NEED TO GET MY SHIT DONE OR GET MY BALLS CHOPPED OFF.

Im not saying all archi students fall into either one of these stereotypes...hang on. maybe the do.

So who will survive F WEEK 2008? Stay tuned for the nail biting results show.

ps: Like the sectional perspective or ill stick it down your bloody throat.

Hello (yes, bog standard 1st post title)

2008-10-23T18:28:00.000-07:00

um. hi. anyone out there?

this isnt my first blog post. i actually had a blog that in which i faithfully whined on friendster *hides face in shame because no one cool uses friendster anymore and i desperately yearn to be accepted in the exclusive uber sleek social posse of facebook users* but that was an age ago, after graduating from high school, when i was young, dumb, bored and frustrated. the friendster blog provided me an audience of friends and 'friends' who were subliminally suckered into reading a blow by blow account of my boredom and the loneliness and frustration that seems to accompany boredom wherever it goes.

but i outgrew friendster, moved on to myspace and subsqeuently facebook, plus i was having too much fun to sit around writing about how much fun im having. on a side note, though, i did have a small blog on myspace detailing a few of my adventures but because i didnt have may friends on myspace, i ditched it.

so why start again? its friday, i just woke up from a crit induced coma (i see myself writing about it sometime in the near future) , had breakfast and swore to myself id get going on my tech assignment at noon. i went on youtube and from one video to another, was lead to a video on the cyclic nature of internet addiction. The person (i wont say whom or what video it was because i dont like giving publicity to anyone) was fasinated by youtube and jumped on the bandwagon of millions of 'vloggers' (awful word, that) spitting out their shite in front of the video recorder and billions of people waste their time watching people watching them back which got me thinking about blogging again. a lot of my friends have interesting blogs, some with truckloads of readers, others with a few faithful audience (usually a devoted significant other or family member), but they're all forms of self expression and you could get some nice feedback, adulation, or the occassional inappropriate remark..but any attention is good attention. and i like attention. i like it when people notice something new ive done, a new shirt im wearing, the funny way i eat an apple, the quirky way i pronounce some words, the tattered state of my running shoes or the evil looking pus filled pimple on my face that is just begging to be popped.

yes. i am an attention whore. ive used the A word a few times now. i should find another word to replace it. This is what dictionary.com gave me:

absorption, application, assiduity, consideration, contemplation, debate, deliberation, diligence, engrossment, heed, heedfulness, immersion, industry, intentness, mind, scrutiny, study, thinking, thought, thoughtfulnes, awareness, big rush, brace, concern, consciousness, looking after, ministration, notice, observation, recognition, regard, spotlight, tender loving care, TLC, treatment, addresses, advertence, advertency, alertness, application, assiduity, attentiveness, circumspection, civility, complaisance, concentration, consideration, courtesy, deference, devoirs, diligence, ear, fixation, heed, limelight, mindfulness, note, notice, obedience, observation, perception, prevenience, regard, respect, study, thought, vigilance, watchfulness

i quite like spotlight, limelight, although both can't be used the same way that attention is utilised. but i rephrase: i am a spotlight whore. Not to be confused with the diva like drag queen worship of celebrity, but a silently, secretly simmering pot of excitement concealed in the realm of my emotions when another being devotes a few seconds of their lives to me, my silly two pence worth of opinions and my insignificant-in-the-grander-scheme-of-things existance.

i guess thats why i like it when a bloke fancies me, or i meet a new person whom id really like to be friends with: the attention. when there is an intial attraction, and im happy being the object of their affection, good conversation flows like delicious silky golden threads between our mouths and ears, (possibly loins as well but lets not go there) engulfing us in this 'warm' kind of coccoon of comradery, intimacy and a certain intrigue. actually this whole post is pointless except for the statement i like an audience.

i have no idea what this blog will be about, or whether im going to be completely uninhibited and spill my guts into 1's and 0's with all my dirty little secrets or if i shall be quiet reserved. Most of the time im sarcastic and dont really make sense and my stories are all over the place i cant be bothered with proper punctuation or capitalisation of the appropriate letters.

if im being completely honest with myself, starting the blog with a rant is a way to procrastinate doing tech. and laundry. and japan holiday visa. and household chores. and take a shower. OMG OMG OMG.

but anyway, pay attention to me, world for i am blogging! fark yeah.